Overcoming fear for a better life

Fear is probably the single most damaging, debilitating, detrimental energy we have. It interferes with our well-being in every area of our life. We cannot thrive when we are controlled by fear because fear stresses our immune system and clouds our thinking. Facing fears may feel uncomfortable, but taking action allows the body to release the tension it has built up. Conquering fear could be the saving grace to our mental and physical health.

Keep this in mind.... our thoughts, plus an emotional charge, plus action, equals outcome. If the emotional charge is fear, we will procrastinate and not see opportunities in front of us; and even when we do, fear won't allow us to trust it. It paralyzes us. How we feel emotionally determines the action we take or don't take.

One of my favorite acronyms for FEAR is, “Face Everything and Rise.” Sadly, for too long I was afraid to face my dystonia (and significant weight gain) so I followed a different acronym for FEAR; “Forget Everything and Run.” This approach didn’t help matters at all. I spent many years deeply depressed and anxiety ridden, and drastically isolated from the world. When I began to face my fears and things I felt self-conscious about, my life began to change for the better.

When the topic of fear comes up, I often think of the movie, We Bought a Zoo, with Matt Damon. Damon’s character, ‘Benjamin Mee’, is having a conversation with his son about fear and courage. It was in the context of how he first met his wife, but it applies to anything in life where we have fear or apprehension. Damon’s character said, “Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery, and I promise you, something great will come of it.”

He’s right. Feel the fear, whatever it is, and do it anyway. It will quickly dissipate, allowing us to move forward with confidence. Bravery is not being without fear. Bravery is having fear and walking through it.

A student once asked his yogi master how he maintained such peace of mind and physical well-being. "Oh, my son”, the yogi smiled, “you only see the outside of my life. Inside my mind it is as if two powerful dogs are always waging war with each other." "Wow," said the student. "What do the dogs fight about?"

The Yogi answered, "One is always leading me to a better life; good health, strong energy, creativity, wonderful relationships, and constant joy and peace. The other is always leading me away from that wonderful place, to a horrible place that is its opposite. He has only one method, but it is a very powerful one. He leads me to fear. Once I am afraid, I cannot move. I am stuck and I can only spend my energy worrying and being upset, or trying to prevent what I am afraid of. This dog causes me much suffering."

"Tell me, Master, which dog most often wins?" The yogi sighed, paused, then smiled and replied, "Whichever one I feed."

Too many of us complicate our lives by feeding the wrong dog, preventing us from living a fulfilling life because we are afraid. Be assertive and push through fear so you live on your terms. If you miss somebody, call; if you want to see somebody, invite; if you want to be understood, explain. If you have questions, ask; if you don’t like something, say it; if you like something, state it. If you want something, ask for it. Live your life no matter what obstacles stand in your way!

Tom Seaman is a Certified Professional Life Coach in the area of health and wellness, and author of the book, Diagnosis Dystonia: Navigating the Journey, a comprehensive resource for anyone suffering with any life challenge. He is also a motivational speaker, chronic pain and dystonia awareness advocate, health blogger, and volunteers for the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation (DMRF) as a support group leader, for WEGO Health as a patient expert panelist, and is a member and writer for Chronic Illness Bloggers Network. To learn more about Tom’s coaching practice and get a copy of his book, visit www.tomseamancoaching.com. Follow him on Twitter @Dystoniabook1 and Instagram

Working through life challenges - Releasing the past

In my last blog, I wrote about the emotional pain of "victim mentality" when faced with a health or other life challenge. In this entry, I will share some ideas for getting out of that mindset. Mindset is a muscle, so it is important that we exercise it properly.

A big reason for our emotional pain is being stuck in the past; how life was before dystonia, or other health condition or life challenge. We need to find a way to release the past. It is not who we are anymore, no matter how hard we try. We can be whomever we want right now. We may not be the same person as before, and we have to learn to be okay with that, IF we want to be happy. We also need to be open to the possibility that we can be even better than before. I know how crazy this sounds, but Post Traumatic Growth is a very real and powerful thing.

By no means is 'letting go' as easy as I am making it sound. I completely understand that it is a process that unfolds at our own pace. It is something I have to work on every day. The more I work on it, the better I am able to release the past and embrace the me I am right now. I can't begin to tell you how liberating it is and how much better it makes me feel when I am able to do it.

I would like to say that I freely do whatever I want whenever I want, but that is not always the case. There are days when things are far too uncomfortable because of the pain and other symptoms of dystonia. Therefore, I do my best to live my life within the boundaries of my abilities and work hard to accept that I can’t always do everything I want, or some of the things I used to. If I don’t allow myself to accept the reality that life is different now, I will mentally torture myself and become a victim of circumstance. I did this for far too long and it resulted in so much pain. I had to learn to let it go, and as mentioned, I still have to work at it every day. Finding joy in whatever I do is where I try to put my focus, so the past does not determine my present or future happiness. I feel I have better accepted the challenges I live with and learned to ride the fluctuating waves that each day brings, but I am still a work in progress.

Every night I go to bed praying I will wake up with fewer symptoms than I had the previous day. If this does not happen, I am better at not fighting what I can’t change physically about myself in the moment, but it comes with constant practice over a long period of time, and I still falter. What I have learned is that I can only change how I respond to how I feel and do my best to be grateful for whatever I am able to do on that given day.

When we focus on the abilities we have now, acceptance follows, giving us greater peace of mind. By holding onto what once was, we trap ourselves in a vicious cycle of emotional pain.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross -

Tom Seaman is a Certified Professional Life Coach in the area of health and wellness, and author of the book, Diagnosis Dystonia: Navigating the Journey, a comprehensive resource for anyone suffering with any life challenge. He is also a motivational speaker, chronic pain and dystonia awareness advocate, health blogger, and volunteers for the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation (DMRF) as a support group leader, for WEGO Health as a patient expert panelist, and is a member and writer for Chronic Illness Bloggers Network. To learn more about Tom’s coaching practice and get a copy of his book, visit www.tomseamancoaching.com. Follow him on Twitter @Dystoniabook1 and Instagram