Sunday, February 12, 2017

Overcoming victim mentality

When the pain and muscles contractions from dystonia were at their worst for me (see below), it significantly limited what I could do. For years I characterized dystonia as an evil intruder that ruined my life. What I could no longer do was my only focus, which caused great anger and depression. I was so bitter that I let myself become a victim. I was lost in a world of pain; a world I felt was out to get me.



Feeling like a victim is normal when diagnosed with any serious health condition, but it is not not just people with a health condition that play the victim role. People who look negatively on life's circumstances complain about everything from the weather, other people, their jobs... the list is endless. We have all done it, which is fine, but it is self-destructive if we remain in this state of mind. We become isolated, depressed, bitter, angry, and resentful. We mainly complain and rarely look for solutions to problems. To the victim, everything is always someone else's fault.

For the first several years with dystonia, this is exactly how I felt. I was miserable. I felt a deep sense of loss and was extremely frustrated, so I had a lot of negative self-talk. My anger and sadness made my dystonia worse because negative emotions cause increased muscle tension. I had to shift my thinking and focus on moving forward if I wanted to live a happier and healthier life (please see my next blog entry about releasing the past).

I had to get out of the “why me, poor me?” frame of mind if I wanted freedom from my mental anguish. Instead of asking, “why me?” I began asking, “why not me?”, “how can I learn to live with dystonia?”, and “how can dystonia help me learn and grow?" I am no better or worse than anyone else so if it happened to me, so be it. Maybe there was good reason for it. "Start viewing it this way", I told myself.

Plus, there was nothing I could do to reverse things so I needed to learn to accept it and find the lessons in it, even when I was in ridiculous pain and could barely function. Easier said than done, but awareness of this attitude is a start!


I try very hard not to, but I still find myself being a victim at times, so I am not immune to any of this whatsoever. I just work much harder now to be mindful of these tendencies. When things get tough, I do my best to tell myself, "although this is a difficult situation, I am going to make the very best of it." This shifts my focus to one that is solution oriented which always puts me in a better frame of mind.


Tom Seaman is a Certified Professional Life Coach in the area of health and wellness, and author of the book, Diagnosis Dystonia: Navigating the Journey, a comprehensive resource for anyone suffering with any life challenge. He is also a motivational speaker, chronic pain and dystonia awareness advocate, health blogger, and volunteers for the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation (DMRF) as a support group leader, for WEGO Health as a patient expert panelist, and is a member and writer for Chronic Illness Bloggers Network. To learn more about Tom’s coaching practice and get a copy of his book, visit www.tomseamancoaching.com. Follow him on Twitter @Dystoniabook1 and Instagram

5 comments:

  1. Thanks Tom. I really needed to read this today as feeling so despairing. Collette

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    Replies
    1. I'm sorry things have been so tough for you Collette. Anything I can do, please don't hesitate to get in touch.

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  2. As a sign of gratitude for how my son was saved from dystonia , i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
    My son suffered dystonia  and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure him. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony of so many people who was cured from dystonia  and so many other with similar body problem, and they left the contact of this doctor who had the herbal cure to  dystonia  . I never imagined  dystonia has a cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my son will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my son used it and in one months he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life. dystonia  has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony .

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